Journal 1:

Journal 2:

Love rolled a poker chip between is fingers as he paced. He was nervous about his meeting with Cynical; that man could be quite stubborn when he got it in his head that he was right. Love stopped his pacing. Flicking his wrist, Love now held his poker chip in the tips of his forefinger and thumb. The light bounced off the faded red paint and dulled the now gray squares that ringed the edge of the chip intermittently with the red. The scratched up joker face, its face elongated and the purple hat almost black with grime, smiled at Love. Out of the many things Love owned, benefits of being an inner city crime lord, he still held onto this stupid chip. He honestly didn’t even know why he held onto it, the thing was old and filthy and reminded him of one of the worst times of his life; his childhood.

Love was born and raised in the Трикстер Казино, The Trickster Casino. Love and his family were Russian immigrants, hiding from the rebellion who sought vengeance on Love’s father. After defecting from the Russian military, Love’s father joined the rebellion but at the first offer of money he betrayed them. Dozens of rebel soldiers were killed, dozens more being captured and detained in Gulags, including Love’s mother. And here he was, fifteen years later, a mere child doing the work of a man as his father gambled their lives away. Love learned the tricks of the trade early on. He was to switch cards and count cards and water down the booze and, by the age of six, Love was running card schemes and short circuiting the machines so it was impossible to win.

“Брат,Брат,Брат!” Love clasped the poker chip in his hand once more, shaking his head as though it would drive away the shouts of his father. Love grew up hearing that word, “Брат.” It was russian for “brat” and Love had grown thinking it was his name. “Брат,Брат,Брат” all hours of the day and night his father yelled that word at him. Love glowered at the floor. He may be a crime lord but he had made a solemn promise never to hurt the kids in his care like that. They didn’t deserve to feel worthless. 

Love opened his fist, gazing at the poker chip once more. He was being stupid, emotional even. Love knew why he had kept this little piece of plastic. It may remind him of the many horrors of his childhood, or lack thereof one, but it also reminded him of when he destroyed his father. Utterly and completely ruined him until he was nothing but dust in the wind; quite literally. The white that is now gray and the purple, now black, hat were both products of that dust. Love had placed the chip inside the urn of ashes before he had washed them down the gutter. His father’s body would forever remain a part of the sewage of Love’s city and the poker chip would always carry the essence of a deadbeat who got what he deserved.

Love’s face stretched into a smirk as the sounds of his father’s last breath sang through Love’s head. He remembered the day so vividly, how his hands were steady as the forced his father’s head still. The sickly sweet smell of rum as he poured it down is father’s face, filling his nose and mouth until the screams turned to gurgles and the gurles into blissful silence. That was, at least, until the poker chip fell from his father’s hands. The clatter of the plastic against the wood floor had startled Love, but he grabbed the chip without hesitation. The rush of power he felt, the embodiment of both his and his father’s many betrayals had accumulated in this dingy piece of plastic but oh, was the rush a glorious one. It was in that silence, filled with so much power, that Love first realized what he was. However, to be something different meant he had to change who he was. He was a trickster. A thief. A betrayer. 

“Not Брат. I’m Предательство.”
Betrayal threw the chip into the air before catching it and dropping it in his pocket. He had renamed himself Love when he realized that the light was without a leader. He could never have taken over from Anarchy and his lieutenant Cynical was out of the question, he was too young, too full of himself. But now. Now Cynical was the leader and oh did Betrayal have some big plans for him. He turned towards the television hanging on his wall. Cynical was strapped to a chair, glaring up at the camera before, ever so defiantly, stating “I can take it.” Ever the assumer of torture. Betrayal rolled his eyes, grabbing Cynical’s dagger off a shelf before stepping into the office and coming up from behind Cynical. 

“Oh I’m sure you can,” Betrayal replied. It was time to either convince Cynical or kill him. Either way, the look on Cynical’s face when he realizes Love’s betrayal was going to be hilarious. Betrayal was about to have so much fun.

Journal 3:

I chose to continue with my original story instead of starting a new one for many reasons. My biggest reason is because this story comes so naturally to me. I can dish out two or three pages in under an hour before I go back and edit. Dialogue, imagery, mannerisms; all of it just pours out of me and it would be horrible to try stopping that by switching stories. Another reason is my emotional ties to these characters. I was never abused in the way they were but I do understand trauma and how different people may deal with it. I personally pushed my feelings onto others, much like my empathic characters. (Although I am having a hard time incorporating the backstory of empaths into my story but I’ll figure it out.) This story is a great source of therapy and personal reflection that I cannot just let it go. Finally, I just really enjoy writing these characters. Cynical and Love are such unique individuals whose every action and word speaks to their past trauma and current craving for power and control. Their mannerisms betray their emotions, the dialogue their familiarity and understanding of each other, their thoughts ping ponging back and forth off of each other as they attempt to unravel the mystery of their current situation. Especially given my knowledge of the ending, it’s too hard to imagine writing characters as realistic and in-depth as Cynical and Love. It is always a good sign that a writer is on the right path when they are excited to write instead of bogged down by it. The excitement I have while writing “Cynical Love” would be unparalleled with any other story so I would be doing myself and my writing an injustice by switching stories.

Journal 4:

Figures that the one day mother asks me to go to the store and grab some herring snacks is the same day the girls and I had walked to the beach before losing our shoes to the tide. The minute we entered I felt the eyes of the male cashiers. The floor was grimy, I almost didn’t use my whole foot to walk down the aisles but I wasn’t balanced enough to do it all on my toes. The girls were muttering as they followed me. I had to beg them to come inside with me. My suit had slipped, revealing more of my breasts than preferred but I couldn’t exactly fix it without some privacy so I acted as though I was confident, head held high. 

After wandering down a few aisles I redirected our course towards the deli. The man kindly directed our group towards the back of the store, his eyes burning a hole between my shoulder blades until we were thankfully out of sight behind a tower of Diet Delight peaches. We found the jar of herring snacks, shoved up in between the pickles and sardines. We rounded our way towards the front of the store, skipping the aisle an old man filled with his many cans of pineapple juice. The clerk was cute, I could see him tense when I reached down my top to grab the dollar bill I had stored there. All of a sudden this middle aged man steers towards us, his face pushed into a frown, the determination in his eyes meant we were in it for another lecture about decency.

“Girls, this isn’t the beach.” I blush at his words. Does he think we’re stupid? But I was embarrassed either way.

“My mother asked me to pick up a jar of herring snacks.”
“That’s all right but this isn’t the beach.” The audacity of this man to treat us this way. It was all a blur until I heard the man say “decently dressed.”

“We are decent.” This man had no right looking at us in a way that we looked “indecent.” He preached his “policy” to us before bugging the clerk to ring us up. I grabbed my change and bag of herring before making a run for it. 

Journal 5:

“You are absolutely insane.” Bill never thought he would be the one to say that. He was the one who was sitting in this moth eaten chair, in the ’70’s style room, being treated for depression. 

“Actually Bill, the proper terminology is ‘mentally ill.’ You should know this.” The psychiatrist lounged in his recliner, his leg crossed over one knee and his fingers twirling a small pistol.
“I don’t care what the terminology is Jim! You need to put the gun down and talk to me. I’m supposed to be the patient here, dammit.” Bill began to twitch. Stress, he couldn’t handle stress, the doc knew that.

“You know Bill, all that twitching your doing is going to bring on another attack. I could always solve that for you. End it here and now.” The barrel of the gun redirected its aim from the ceiling to Bill’s head. Twitch, twitch, twitch. Each beat of the heart, every second that passed where Bill stared at that gun; he twitched.

“Why Jim?” Twitch, twitch. “I’m supposed to be the insane one; not you.” Twitch.

“Why avoid insanity Bill? It is so glorious to give in to all that one thinks and feels and WANTS. I have spent so much time taking away this, this freedom from so many people.” Bill watched the pistol shift aim from his face to the floor. A demented grin from his psychiatrist greeted him. 

“You are a psychiatrist Jim. A doctor…MY doctor. You want to give all that up for what? Some delirious idea of freedom?” Bill was grasping. He needed Jim to go back to normal. 

“I AM NOT DELIRIOUS!” shouted Jim. “I will make you see. You will be so free…” Bill’s protest was silenced by a loud bang then a small thud as the pistol fell to the floor; smoke billowing from the barrel. 

“Oh Jim… You are insane. Absolutely insane.” Bill stood and left, the gaping office door revealing a hysterical psychiatrist, gripping his sides as he laughed and laughed and laughed.

Journal 6:

Mannerisms are important parts of dialogue but should not be overbearing. I believe that a mix of dialogue, action and mannerisms are what truly define a character. The combination makes for unique speech for each character and allows the reader to determine a significant difference or tension. I despise monotone dialogue which is why I have a hard time with the classics.

Make sure that the dialogue sounds like a real person. Tags are a useful way to do this but it is something I am not very good at and I mostly avoided when writing Journal #5 simply so that I avoid the problem of too many “saids” and too many awkward adverbs.

Subtext, my very favorite thing to write, but I often require both descriptions and dialogue to get my point across. Tags are a good suggestion. It is much easier to say “dialogue,” she shrugged, than to go on and on about her thoughts and feelings.

Make sure to leave politics out of it or in subtext. Don’t try to force your beliefs or opinions down the readers throat. Really good advice. I may have to rewrite parts of another project I’m working on.

Be sparing with your swearing! Dialect is a dangerous path for a writer. As long as it is done sparingly, that touch of flavor will fully capture the culture and ethnicity of the characters.

Journal 7:

The Characterization of the characters in “Ranch Girl” provides a look into the complex lives they live.  Each character is described differently, speaks differently, acts differently. The author did an excellent job of creating multi-dimensional characters who play off each other in order to reveal more of who they are as a character.  The author also blesses us with a time gap that allows us to compare the character from both their younger and older selves; observing the changes in characterization and the way it is represented through the author’s writing. The characterization in this story is essential to the understanding of the motivations behind every character’s action or thought and how those choices affect every other character in the story.

The Dialogue between the characters in “Ranch girl” is few and far between showing the authors preference to let imagery do more of the talking. However, when dialogue is used, it is believable within the context of the characters, not too vulgar or proper. Any dialogue that isn’t summarized in the character’s thoughts, is often of great importance; always changing the scene, tone, and understanding of what is happening in that exact moment of the piece. This strategy and usage of dialogue keeps the piece simple but still full of depth.

Journal 8:

It is an intriguing idea that this girl read books to meet people, but I honestly think that is why all readers like to read books. I personally love reading books for that reason. To meet people or creatures that are so real but unable to exist in the real world is what motivates me to read so many books across so many different genres. It shows in my writing as well, at least I hope it does. I work to create characters people want to meet, people I want to meet.

Human complexity is one of the more curious things in life and is a big reason why I enjoy psychology courses. It is also something that can be hard to put into a story. As the book describes, adding human complexity is as simple as taking a stereotype about a character type and twisting it. For me, the tension in my short story revolves around the atypical reactions of my characters to a stereotypical question or action. The added complexity not only provides tension but more avenues for the reader to relate to the characters, pushing them to continue reading. As you had said in class, keeping the reader interested is one of the hardest jobs a writer faces, but I believe the addition of human complexity can quickly solve it.

The topic of contrasting traits but consistent characterization is something I often find myself loving about characters that many people believe to be “all-bad.” Characters such as Tony Stark from Marvel or Alex from Grey’s Anatomy are complex characters who are both jerks and insecure caregivers. Both sides come out during little moments, Tony Stark yelling at Peter Parker about being reckless and Alex choosing Pediatrics over Plastics. However, these little moments build to provide a consistent characterization that, after dozens of movies/seasons makes them almost predictable before another moment of human complexity comes through; often changing who they are as a character and adding another layer of complexity. I find the best characters to be those that are underestimated because they aren’t just “all-good” or “all-bad.” They contradict themselves and grow just like a real person does making them multi-dimensional, believable people.

The exercises we have been doing have really helped me gain a better understanding of my characters, primarily their motivations and little details of their past that can be seen to affect them in the time of when my story takes place. Cynical’s quarrel with his brother being the reason he keeps his dagger close. Love’s life of betrayal and life of trickery resulting in the confidence and ease in which he deals with Cynical. Both of their previous trauma’s determining the way they view their roles as leaders and rivals. I have never known characters I was writing as well as I know these two. I plan on using the list in the book to better know any characters I plan to write about in the future as it will enhance my writing exponentially.

On the topic of names, I typically use names that are quite literal in their meaning but are of great importance to the primary identity of my characters. For my short story, names identify powers which, in this fictional world, is of life or death importance. In other stories the names are often related to ethnicity or stereotypes about names. Brittany’s are slutty and full of themselves while Bob’s are family men who cheat on their wives. Names carry power, and, being of Celtic descent, a literal hold over the soul. Names should always reveal something about the character because what is a person without a name?

Journal 9:

My writing process has always been to write as much as comes naturally then go back and edit; over and over until I have a final copy I am completely in love with. It is a little tricky for me to do that with this assignment due to the page limit but I am doing my best to keep the parts of my story that I love and removing as much unnecessary description and dialogue as possible.

What has been working for me is the side assignments, of looking at my characters in flash backs, in snapshots, in a different setting, because it has helped me to better understand my characters motivations and what to use to fill in the gaps of my story or characterization. Something I believe I have been doing rather well is an equal balance of dialogue and description between both of my character’s. I have also maintained focus on the plot, not going off on a tangent about something else, thus providing the reader a very clear order of events. Something I know that is working very well is my consistency with my characterization for both of my main characters. Every word spoken or action committed is fully in character within the context of the setting.

Somethings that may need to be altered are sentences where I change tone for a second before returning to the tone set for that scene. “Well, blood orange paint that is.” for example. Rewording is something I always have trouble with and hope to target in my coming drafts. (evidence can be seen in my most recent draft)

Revision: My biggest revision point is shortening the piece by a few more sentences as it is just over seven pages. I took on the challenge of fitting such a huge world within my short story and I believe I have mostly succeeded, but there is room for some improvement. Due to this challenge however, leads me to my next point of revision, making sure the background and context of the world in which my character’s live can be understood via the hints and information provided throughout the piece. My last point of revision is my ending. My final sentence doesn’t sit right with me, even after trying five or so variations. My mezzo has the point I’m trying to make but it is very disconnected from the rest of the piece. I may have to leave it off and change the title of my story if I cannot find something that fits. I am hoping that I will receive an “A-Ha” moment or some recommendations that will allow me to finish my story with the impact I want it to. 

Journal 10:

I appreciate the author’s honesty about his short-comings when it comes to writing. He had to realize that a setting is what makes a character, even if the character is the part of the story the author is most in-tune with. An author cannot send their reader to a world of wonder and fantasy if there is no world set in the story. I personally greatly enjoy writing about setting in close relation to my characters because I love to see how a change in their world affects them. In my short story for example, my characters live in a city reminiscent of Detroit or Chicago when they were at their worst. This setting is what creates the trauma that creates the entirety of my characters motivations and interactions with each other.

My issue with writing time often has to do with the fact that I prefer to write in fiction and to leave a sense of foreboding within my stories. If my stories are set in the future, or an apocalyptic world, the sense of reality and danger, to me, feels fake, unbelievable. I often find that by not specifying place and time the reader has the opportunity to use their imagination and weave the story into their own views of the world. Optimists may view my story as a warning from the future while pessimists might view it as a problem that is happening in the present. Either way, while I understand the advice to include place and time within a story I often prefer not to; that’s just my style and no one has ever had a problem with it.

Setting as a character is something that is growing in the cartoon industry and really makes the show amazing. Shows like Over the Garden Wall, Gravity Falls or Moana heavily rely on the intricate places and settings the characters travel to within their worlds, often times facing the setting itself in a battle of good vs evil. While I often never see this in books, except a few apocalyptic ones, it is rather common in television series, which, those are stories in their own right as well.

While I know the writing style is different due to the era it was written in, I can often tell a “classic” novel simply by the amount of setting description the author gives. Books such as Jane Eyre will devote half a chapter to a setting description while the action is used almost as an after thought. It is a style of writing I resent but there are some books who do it well; Frankenstein or Harry Potter for example. These authors had a mix of setting and action that was interspersed through the flow of the story instead of in distinguishable chunks. I believe that this kind of description does a better job of furthering the story than the other style where the reader may “go out to have a drink or do some shopping while you’re there working carefully at the easel with your brush and paint.”

Bullet in the Brain was a perfect example of pacing and how much a writer can manipulate time to meet their needs. The bullet went through Anders brain in less than a second but we are provided with multiple in depth paragraphs during that time frame. Pacing appears to be the best way to keep a reader interested and hungry for the next page by not dwelling on the boring and elongating the action.

Journal 11:

Emma Atwood:

Overall, your story was intriguing and mysterious, pulling any reader in and keeping them excited to read more. You do seem to switch between past and present tenses. If it is accidental, make sure to decide on a tense before editing. If done stylistically, try to portray the past tense sections as flash backs and not as an overhead view of something that happened.

The beginning of your story has some areas that seem dysfunctional or out of flow in relation to the plot. I highlighted these areas and left recommendations on how to make it easier to read/understand. In the future, I recommend reading your entire story over before editing, and try to edit in paragraph chunks so that continuity and flow are consistent. However, you appear to resolve this issue later on so simply apply it to the first few paragraphs and you will be golden.

I don’t know if you prefer a style of more narration and telling than dialogue and showing but I think some additions of dialogue or details of mannerisms or actions may make the story feel for real instead of surreal. Especially when you switch to the new perspective as a shift in the way the narrative flows should change noticeably now that you are dealing with a new character. I would recommend focusing on specific character aspects, inspiration possibly coming form people you know, and making sure those differences show in your writing.

It may just be a me problem but in your discussion of the doctor being a beast and then discussing fighting monsters, I am confused on whether you are talking about personal demons or doctors. I am assuming you are meaning personal demons in relation to mental health but I personally feel the distinction between that and the doctors are a little unclear.

I love the change in aspect and focus of the story and I would love to get some history or at least hints about this new character you have introduced. Why are they in the hospital? Do they think Anna is crazy? How old are they or what gender do they identify as? I understand the allure of a character who the reader knows nothing about but the mystery must be chipped away at otherwise the reader will be unable to identify with the character.

Lastly, I am very excited to read your ending. Your writing style and respectful portrayal of such a dark topic is astounding. Your narration is not lengthy and provides a veil of mystery that lasts the entire piece. It is also a relatable topic which I can appreciate.

Tyler Koch

The language use in the beginning is extensive, personally not something I enjoy, but I understand the stylistic use of it; makes the attitude of your character believable. While the narration you use provides information about the background of the current situation of the car-ride I would recommend including some more dialogue or details to make the reader feel like they are really there.

The dialogue you do use is believable and changes with each speaker so I commend you for that. You do say “said” quite often though so maybe consider changing it up with some synonyms?

Your characterization is consistent in both dialogue and mannerisms for both Evan and Wes and your hints about the mother and step-father play into character tropes that make it easy for the reader to imagine and understand.

I love the mystery and skepticism that appears towards the end and as a girl who constantly has to be aware of situations like this I want to congratulate you on making it scarily real and understandable. You have left open a wide array of possibilities for where this story goes so keep up the good work and I cannot wait to read the ending.

Journal 12:

My revision plan is to fix my ending, most likely ending it in an earlier spot since the meaning I am trying to portray is easy enough to pick out and therefore does not need to be stated. It will also help to keep my story at seven pages and leave the reader at a better cliff hanger than I initially planned.

I also want to go back and reword a few sentences as they are currently awkward or out of style for the story.

It was recommended that I look at having less dialogue and more narrative so I am going to look into places where I can apply that; although I most likely might not end up changing anything as this story is supposed to be dialogue based. I find narration can bog down a story sometimes, especially in my story where action is quite limited.

My biggest thing is to make sure that my story is consistent, has good flow, and makes sense within this world I have created. You had commented on my fiction exercise in reference to magic and how it doesn’t entirely fit the fiction genre so I might need to rework a few pieces of my story as the initial idea is that these characters are a twisted version of empaths, they can force their feelings on others which creates a power struggle between the “good” feelings and “bad” feelings. I am going to wait to revise this until after our conference.

Journal 13:

I find it intriguing how the author alludes to how everyday things can be interpreted through poetry as “answering the big questions” but how it is okay to start off with the mundane. Poetry does not have to be deep, especially for first timers. You can just write about how pretty nature is; there doesn’t have to be a cosmic message.

“Here I stand/looking out my window/and I am important./ Ironically enough, I actually think the three lines used to show what a writer should not do because the reader cannot connect to it, I find myself connecting quite a bit to those three lines. I would bet that lots of people feel connection with those three lines, especially people who are insecure or in a dark place.

The section about body is actually giving me ideas about a topic that I know about and would be easier to write a poem about. I will backlog it and hopefully get to use it later in the unit. Death is another topic option as well, as mentioned by the author, but while I understand the intrigue of writing about it, I believe my intimate knowledge of death would result in some rather disturbing or unsettling poems. To answer the advice of “write what you know” what I know is pain and death but I would like to shift my writing away from darkness if at all possible.

Journal 12A

Arthur S Dorian was a man destined to die. He was just like everyone else, waiting for the moment in which his time on this earth would come to an end. He went to the store, or maybe a funeral home and picked out a stone, got it carved with his name and the date he was born. But something was missing, a piece of his life. He deserved more than a stone with his name and his time, he would not allow himself to remain simply another stone in the ground with no story to tell. He thought and he thought as he paced around the floor. What about him was meaningful enough to be forever carved in stone? He thought of his successes and the benefits they reaped but he was swiftly reminded of all the times he felt defeat. Dying was the biggest defeat of them all so he wrote four simple words that he thought said it all. “I tried, I lost,” would be the sum of his life. He had tried many things in life, losing more than he won, but each loss was important just as every try that he won. But the meaning of these four simple words was not of his life in particular but of life as a whole for every person that lives simply waiting to die. People try to survive, for as long as they can, but in the end everyone dies, the biggest loss one can imagine. He signed for the payment and sent it away, he found it a week later, his very own grave. He stared at it for quite some time, before leaving it behind and forgetting all about it. He never wanted to see it again, at least not while he was alive. When Arthur S Dorian finally dies, he knows he will be remembered for his understanding of life.

Journal 14:

I am surprised to see a recommendation of experimentation instead of a list of rules on how to write. In all my years of English lessons I was never once told to “find my own style.” I always had to write the way the teacher’s wanted me to, each one coming with a new set of rules meant to enhance my writing but often ended up caging. It wasn’t until AP that rules about the way I wrote didn’t matter. It is nice to a recommendation of starting through experimentation instead of learning all the rules first and experimenting later.

The comparison of poetry to music is an nice attempt at making the reader understand how poetry flows and is stressed but being a musician myself, I know that the comparison is far from accurate. There are only so many ways a word can be stressed in a poem while a music note can be stressed in about twenty different ways including what pitch or tone the note is based on what instrument plays it. A high F# is very different on a violin than a bass or flute whereas the only way to strike a similar comparison with poetry would be to change the stressed word all together.

The idea of how the end of lines stands out more to reader than any other words in the lines is absolutely true. I think this is often why many poem authors rhyme in this fashion; it makes the ideas stand out much more than if they weren’t rhymed. This will definitely be a trick to save for later.

Something the author touches on in the end is how poetry has no rules per say. While I believe this may serve me well during the drafting process I know I am going to have difficulty using the lack of rules and structure to somehow add another layer of meaning to my poems. I may just have to find one style I am good at and stick with it because as the author said you cannot use the “no rules” thing to cover up bad writing. 

Journal 15:

I don’t know
anything about anything
because the universe is an unknown place.

I don’t know
why the creatures of the deep
have pointed teeth.

I don’t know
why our planet rains water
when others rain glass.

I don’t know
how the panther plans its move
a shadow of the night.

I don’t know
how creativity runs wild
alive in its own right.

I don’t know
where the dead wander
in the eternity of the afterlife.

I don’t know
where hatred comes form
its talons digging into everyone who’s alive.

I don’t know
who made the universe
a god or a crow, humanity may never know.

I don’t know
who exists beyond the stars
little green men or their robotic counterparts.

I don’t know
what is the purpose of war
because power is a social construct.

I don’t know
what my existence means
am I even really alive?

I don’t know anything
because the universe is the greatest mystery of all
but I’m okay with not knowing anything, anything at all.

Scientists try and try
but they don’t really know anything either;
knowing too much would be humanity’s downfall.

Journal 16:

The first key point is how the writer can’t use just any simile or metaphor because that could change the connotation and understanding of the poem. For Sharon Olds’s poem “Feared Drowned” she uses similes and metaphors that relate to the sea in order to produce a specific image whereas if she had used something else, the entire meaning behind her poem would have changed or even disappeared. Figurative language is natural but there is an art form to it.

The second key point is the use of language in the ability to have the reader relate. Whether this is by addressing the reader directly or by perfectly describing a feeling of an experience, the writer should use all language in relation to the metaphor or simile not only to make it real but to make it relatable.

The third key point is to use over arching metaphors through literal language. A poem doesn’t have to be filled with metaphors and similes, literal language is often quite useful, but even if the poem is written using literal language, it can still have a metaphorical meaning.

Exercise #1:

tired as the sea after the storm/hot as the coals of Hades fire/waves unfurled like body of a contortionist/after the shelling, the town looked as if Poseidon had purged his last meal/disgusting as my decaying corpse/the child trembled like their brain was on fire/the airplane rose like a vampire in the night/black as Hitler’s soul/he entered the room like it had offended him/ their lovemaking was like the feverish heat of feral cats.

Journal 17:

The first key point is that images can be figurative or literal but all are conjured up by any response from our five senses; hearing, smell, taste, touch and sight. Whatever image the sense causes to form is a sort of magic, the brain making connections into reality. When writing a poem, the poet should use this “magic” to their advantage in order to produce an evocative experience for the reader.

The second key point is that a poet should try to include all five senses when writing images because they make the experience more relatable and real for the reader. By including all five senses the poet is able to touch each reader differently, connecting with the readers favorite sense and opening them up to other experiences.

The third key point is that if the poet does not have an image of the event in the poem to present, they can use other images and implications to state their meaning; even using the perspective of the images from another point of view. This allows the poet to be figurative and literal while keeping the event of the poem easy to imagine for the reader.

Journal 18:

The first key point is the understanding that revision is necessary but often painful or uncomfortable for the author. They may have to cut what they view as “the best lines” or lose the raw essence of the poem. However, some of the best poets are those that understand the point behind revision, it is for the betterment of the poem and its message, there is no good poem without revision.

The second key point is that revision requires multiple tries using multiple options, pathways and angles that will eventually lead to a better, final draft of a poem. This process and tries can take two or four or even twenty drafts before the poem is able to be fully realized on the page. The first writing of a poem is always a draft, a step towards the real poem; revision allows the poet to get their by trying out new ideas and words and rhyme schemes. Let revision be a process. 

The third key point is to receive another perspective during revision. The poem may not be done, even if the entire world reads it, but another perspective with another person’s ideas or opinions is a great way to decide what you as the poet want the poem to be saying. Peer review is a great resource, use it before deciding a poem is done.

Beanie

Postcard Poem: Love the language use and the description of such simple events. The changes in meaning of repetition of sleep, sweat and the lizard is intriguing and I would recommend keeping it. While a beautiful poem, I personally think it is too long for a “postcard poem.”
Sleeping Beauty: stalkery vibes in the beginning, probably because of the use of second person but the love does shine through at the end. I am curious to know why you chose to keep all the new lines uncapitilized, even after a period would grammatically say otherwise? The use of simple words at the end of each line provides a pleasant sound and an idea of simplicity that works very well given the topic.
Writer’s Dream: While I love the use of vocabulary I personally think the word “epicurean” is in a tricky spot, interrupting the flow of the poem. Maybe try another word in its spot? This poem has a unique dynamic in which a good writer is writing about how incapable they are at writing; I think this duality works very well. I am wondering if the lack of capitalization was purposeful in order to show a lack of grammatical understanding?
An Epiphany: Extremely creative topic, both in reference to people bonding over truama and the mention of a psychic. The style of this poem is perfect for the topic, the disjointed lines imitating the character’s “craziness.” I appreciate that the ending is rather positive as this epiphany could have gone in a completely different direction. The use of repetition does an excellent job showing the process of thought before the epiphany in the final stanza.
For Adam and Kurt: A Pantoum: Very dark but it works quite well and is relatable to a reader. You did an excellent job organizing your lines so that the narrative of the poem continues forward while sticking to the repetitive style/format of the pantoum; very impressive. I like the imagery that occurs because of the use of words like “twisting, escape, free from you, etc.” They provide a very vivid image of entrapment.

Emma

Poem 1: dark but relatable. The vivid imagery perfectly describes an abusive relationship without having to say it. I like how you stuck to the same format for each stanza except the last one, making it stand out more and providing a nice flow for the rest of the poem. I wonder if the capitalization should be rethought so that each line forces the reader to continue instead of starting a new “sentence”/thought? I would recommend changing the “ands” and buts” but the poem still works either way.
Poem 2: Very cute topic. I am curious to know why stanza 4 has a different format than the other stanzas? The use of imagery and colors paint an easy to imagine picture of a “perfect” day. The last two lines were difficult to read for me because they break the flow of the poem. I wonder if you could reorganize them? Unless they are disjointed from the rest of the poem on purpose.
Poem 3: While I know you already received a lot of class feedback on this, I interpreted it as climbing then falling down a mountain but I totally see how it relates to skiing as well. I love how you personified the mountain. Maybe changing the word “pointy” to “bald” might help keep the personification going? I like that the format of each stanza is different. It provides a better flow despite the many pauses the periods and commas insinuate.
Poem 4: Quite similar to poem 3, you already received class feedback. I love the way you personified the wave, it brings the water and the experience of surfing to life in a vivid way. Ironically enough this poem can also be interpreted as the death of a loved one. I like the variability in perspectives that can be conjured by this poem. I would recomend keeping it.
Poem 5: I like how the topic of your pandoum combines the ideas from your four other poems. It provides a nice wrap up. I highlighted it on the document but pandoum lines that are repeated have to remain the same and I found one extra word. The flow is soothing and the first line of the poem really draws the reader in. It was quite clever for your darker lines to become positive in the end. Screams to smiles and mountains to water and foam. Very smart.

Riley

Writing topic 5: Interesting topic. I like the mystery behind the “it” that is apparently going around killing people. I find the lack of consistent format and stanzas to be beneficial to the poem. It imitates the aruptedness of death, as mentioned in the poem itself. I find it intriguing that the first half of the poem sounds very mature while the second half seems more childish, the narrator wishing to see their loved one again and not understanding death. I personally think this works really well, shows the stages of grief in a way. Disbelief, anger, sadness, and acceptance. The only thing you’re missing is bargaining. I would see how the poem turns out if you include it
List poem: I know you already received in class feedback but I personally think that you should continue the italization of the list items. I think the difference in the way the reader will read them italicized vs not allows for the separation of thought and action. I like how the first stanza is centered around the narrator while the second stanza is more abstract. The pun at the end works well too.
Epiphany: I like how the epiphany in the last line still follows the pattern of the other stanzas but is quite obviously carrying a different meaning. The consistant format of the stanzas is nice but I wonder if trying a disjointed format might do a better job of visually or verbally imitate the stress the narrator feels? I also like how the poem traverses a long timeline but does so without drawing the poem out.
Picture: While I know you already recieved class feedback, I would recommend changing the title to something that better fits the poem. I interpreted the man to be a stalker or someone of evil intent. If this interpretation is different than what you would like I would recommend rewording certain phrases so he is more of a “people watcher” than a “creepy stalker.” However, I do like the stalker vibe so if you like it I would recommend sticking to it.
Pantoum: You completely nailed the style and format and you were able to tell a love story in the process. This poem topic is very relatable for any reader. I like how the first and last stanza mention the narrator twice while the middle two stanzas only mention them once, it imitates the thought process: “I”, thoughts of others, then back to “I” which is very clever and I would recommend you keep it that way during revision.